Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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