I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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