Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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