We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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