Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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