I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
