Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
