Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
