Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize