there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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