Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
