There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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