Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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