I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
