Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
