Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
