so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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