So drunk, too bad you don't want this
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
