Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
