I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
