She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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