Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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