Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
