if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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