You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
