it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
