well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize