Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
