Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
