he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
