Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize