if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
ttyl tear gas
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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