I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
