I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize