You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
