I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
