Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
