I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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