do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
