I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
