Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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