i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
