The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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