there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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