it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
