im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
