Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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