ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
