I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
