if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
