I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
