even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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