i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
