I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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