Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I want a musical about memes.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize