Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
