is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The feeling are messing with the penis
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So vagazzling was a success
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize