Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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