she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
