Quick, to the slutcave!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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