Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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