What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
