I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
