R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sext me about skeletons
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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