i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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