I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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