i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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