We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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